Heather's Boutique, picture from Getty Images

Monday, December 17, 2007

My lovely Christmas

Its about this time of year when I take a week off shopping to reflect on what Christmas really means to me and my blog. Is it about forcing yourself to open the front door and listen to the Carol singers ? Or maybe giving your cleaner a couple of hours off on Christmas day? Or perhaps taking the time to sign your own Christmas cards?

No it isn't. It's about trying to get rid of all the rubbish when you have a fortnightly bin collection.

So I have invented a new game. Everyone can play, mums, dads, husbands, children grandparents even dogs. Its called "See who can squash the most rubbish into the wheelie bin."

First appoint a Rubbish Coordinator, this should always be you, for reasons you will see in a minute. Sit on the sofa, pour yourself a drink.

Second, get your family to tear all the bits of paper and cardboard up in to tiny pieces. Dogs and children love this bit. Don't be alarmed by the huge amount of mess they make, they're enjoying themselves. Again the Rubbish Coordinator remains on the sofa, you can put your feet up, that's optional.

Then ask everyone to help put all the bits of paper into big black refuse sacks. Think carefully about the tone of your voice here, don't sound too authoritative remember it's Christmas for them as well.

Bring to their attention any bits of paper they may have missed from under tables, behind TV's that sort of thing. Grandparents always like plenty of fresh air, so send them outside to get started on emptying any rubbish in your car.

You may even be feeling a bit sleepy watching all this pandemonium going on in your lovely lounge, that's normal. Pour yourself another drink, its going to get a lot quieter in a minute.

Now it's time to take all the awful rubbish outside and squash it into your wheelie bin. Tell everyone to wrap up warm, its freezing outside. Don't forget to give clear instructions where your bin is, it'll probably be dark and its quite a walk up those icy side alley steps. If its windy, tell them to be careful not to let all the little bits of paper blow all over the road and down the street. No need to get up, you have a drink to finish.

Now you've got a bit of peace and your lounge looks lovely and tidy, you can settle down to watch "Finding Nemo," a funny heartwarming film about a cute little clown fish whose mother gets eaten alive, then he gets taken away from his father and put into captivity.

Have a fantastic Christmas.

Heather x


  • At Monday, December 17, 2007 11:13:00 pm, Blogger Gerald said…

    Good god woman, shopping from February till December, even for you that takes the biscuit. What on earth have you been doing these last long months? Are the dogs still okay, are they in their Christmas regalia and are they helping with the tearing or packing of paper?

  • At Tuesday, December 18, 2007 6:43:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I feel compelled to respond to your suggestions. I am concerned that you are taking on too much at this busy time of year in being the rubbish coordinator. Surely your time is better spent drinking the wine and looking elegant. If the grandparents are there then why don't they just collect up the rubbish and take it home with them? If they took the children too then you could relax or, (dare I say it?)hit the sales!

  • At Tuesday, December 18, 2007 9:30:00 pm, Blogger Heather said…

    gerald - yes thats why I need to sit down for a while. Dogs are keeping my feet warm, they are not helping with anything.

    Anon - God, what a great idea, but only once they've cleaned my rancid oven.

  • At Friday, December 21, 2007 2:02:00 pm, Blogger nuttycow said…

    Hello stranger.

    Happy Christmas :)

  • At Thursday, January 03, 2008 7:16:00 pm, Blogger Heather said…

    Nutty cow - Happy Christmas and New Year to you too.

  • At Tuesday, November 07, 2017 12:37:00 am, Blogger kold_kadavr_ flatliner said…

    Didjoo celebrate Jesus...
    or just fornicate?

    When our eternal soul leaves our body at death
    and we wiseabove to meet our Maker,
    only four, last things remain:
    death, judgement, Heaven or Hell
    according to the deeds WEE mortals
    have done in our Finite Existence.

    PSĀ° I'm a re-boot NDE:
    if you're RIGHT,
    you'll see the LIGHT -
    follow that to the Elysian Fields.
    Let's be tethered2forever Upstairs.

    Find-out what RCIA means and join.
    Make Your Choice -SAW


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