H' Scopes for October

Here are my predictions for October. Sorry they are a bit late, I was going to publish them on Wednesday, but I predicted that would mean the end of the world on Thursday. So I waited until today in order to save everybody...glad you are all ok.

Virgo On the 15th your stylish Henri Lloyd waterproof jacket gets torn in a winch. Quelle horreur! You now face survival....or fashion death with your replacement Matalan Jacket.

Libra Plant some sunflower seeds ready for the total eclipse on the 20th. They don't need sunlight, that's just a vicious rumour.

Scorpio Congratulations, you have been asked to perform Tchaikovsky's piano concerto No 1. You see, I told you that piano lessons would pay off, but watch out for that tricky phrase around bar 58, it always gets me.

Sagittarius Lots of free time for this month to indulge in your hobbies... as all your friends will be emigrating unexpectedly.

Capricorn This month all you can think about is your money problems.... take your mind off things, go and have dinner at my favourite restaurant, Le Gavroche. Don't even think about stealing the copper bird centre piece thing to sell on ebay.

Cancer You've been collecting sea shells for 10 years now, how about starting your own beach?

Taurus I predict some problems with backache, only fly first class from now on, it's your health at stake here.

Aries I predict you will be feeling all technical this month, take a day trip down to PC World.

Leo Your gift for being clumsy really comes into it's own this month, when you make a fool of yourself at your sister's wedding.

Aquarius I foresee travel for you in the Australian outback. My failsafe tip to tell if creatures are poisonous or not....wait till you get bitten by one, then see if you drop dead within 48 hours. If you do, sadly they probably were.

Pisces You are in a dead end relationship at the moment, although that's partly your fault...you did move into a cul de sac.

Gemini I predict you will be called up to play for England next week... but I recommend that you turn it down, it'll play hell with your bunions.

Thank you to all the QPR fans for being so nice to me. As long as I can take my earmuffs with me, I'll be back. More posts coming soon, including my Newfies, Charlton Athletic and trip to Paris. Heather x