Heather's Boutique, picture from Getty Images

Monday, June 26, 2006

JULY H'scopes

Well done England yesterday. One step closer to the World Cup. I've cleared my entire social diary for July ready for the inevitable celebrations. I will be missing the Wimbledon final, (dog show), not tennis. Also my amateur Champagne making weekend at Chateau Finistere.

I think all the England team are doing well, and I wish the media would stop picking on them. They are doing their best. I mean, running around in that heat with a dodgy tummy, and then being sick in front of all those people..... the embarrassment. Couldn't his mother have written him a sick note or something? I hope this sort of thing doesn't go on at QPR, or any other team I choose to support.

Here are my predictions for July.

Cancer - Love is in the air....for me. However for you old habits die hard. Sort out that obsessive compulsive disorder now before its too late.

Gemini - Some people say you're arrogant, and I would have to agree with them.

Leo - You'll be lavished with expensive gifts around the 6th. Unfortunately most will have to be returned due to religious reasons.

Virgo - New horizons beckon for you this month. Despite your chronic seasickness you will be setting off on a round the world sailing challenge. Good Luck!

Libra - Stop doing that! you know what I'm talking about.

Scorpio - Don't be down hearted because you can't get into your favourite pair of jeans. Try getting a larger size, problem solved!

Sagittarius - You'll be taking up a hobby this month, collecting retro flips-flops. But as Richard Branson will tell you, it can be both expensive and addictive.

Capricorn - Is it really a good idea to start your own penguin farm? We all have dreams, but termites are far more manageable.

Aquarius - Your numbers are coming up on the lottery this month! Unfortunately due to bad planning, I also predict that you forget to buy your usual weekly ticket. I am unable to tell you which week this is, sorry I'm not that good.

Pisces - Be sympathetic to your gorgeous, millionaire, 22 year old friend. It won't be everyday she gets married to a charming handsome doctor. If you don't let her borrow your shoes, and your grandmother's priceless antique locket, you could well ruin her wedding day.

Aries - Time will tell, with your very unique problem. I can't compromise my predictive powers, by just making stuff up.

Taurus - Don't try to bluff it in the world of bee keeping. It can take years to really get to grip with this subject. Bees are physic as well you know, they can spot a phony a mile of.

More posts coming soon, including trip to Wimbledon to see the tennis, not the dog show or MK Dons. Heather x

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Getting Women to appreciate Football

Now I know why all those glamorous wives and girlfriends have false nails They have nibbled them clean off with nerves watching their men play football. Poor Michael Owen, I feel so sorry for him, even with my super "Astro Heels" I couldn't have foreseen that. Oh dear...... this is going to be a very traumatic week for my nails.

QPR are still top of my list at the moment. Thank you to Pablo for sending me a map of where your stadium is. You were right it is in the most fashionable part of town, Shepherds Bush, next to the A 219.

I have decided to go and watch a game when the season starts. Look out for me, I'll be there with my picnic hamper and dogs. Is it like Ascot, do I wear a hat? Or should I wear the strip? I'm not sure, horizontal stripes, (sorry, I mean hoops), not so flattering to the figure. However, I will, if I have to. That is the kind of sacrifice I am willing to make, putting football before fashion, because I'm a real football fan.

I am pleased that some of you have been taking my advice. Anonymous at 11.07, cheerfully informed me with the news, that he had knocked through the wall to put up his plasma screen TV. But his wife had gone nuts, and how can he get her to realise how important football is?

Well firstly, I do hope you've cleared up the ghastly mess? World Cup or no World Cup, you can't begin to get her to appreciate the beautiful game if she's living on a building site. I'm sure you have though, you sound very thoughtful.

You don't say which team you support, so I will assume its Man Utd. Anyway, my advice is to explain to her how emotional football makes you feel. A bit like how women are with babies and puppies. Also

Send her a big bunch of flowers.
Tell her you think she's wonderful.
Say you want to enjoy all the World Cup and not just the England games.... if she agrees, get this bit in writing.

This should work on most women, the first 2 being very important. However, if she is a bit of a spoil sport, here are some more tips.

Why not make a few bets with her. For example, if England win, say that you will take her to New York for the weekend, go on the "Sex and the City" tour, and kiss her on top on the Empire State Building. However, if Brazil win, you have to do the Samba in front of the in laws completely sober, by yourself, wearing a bikini.

Lots of countries are involved. Take Trinidad, Tobago, Serbia and Montenegro. The local cuisine and fashions from all 4 countries might interest her.

Have a penalty shoot out in the garden. This will make her appreciate how difficult it is....or easy, depending on how rubbish you were at 5 a side football. Tell her to take off her heels though, she might do you an injury.

Impress her with your keepy uppy skills. Grab your chance to look manly. If you're not very good and can only manage say, 120, it'll make her laugh, which is also good.

If you're a fan of David Beckham, (and who isn't), offer to wear his fabulous new aftershave, "David Beckham" You could even let her have a go on you with your hair clippers. Nothing too complicated, what about the 3 lions?

If all this still doesn't get her interested, well I'm afraid sending her shopping or a trail separation is the only option available. I hope this is helpful to you, anon at 11.07.

If anyone else wants advice about anything, football trauma, presents to buy tricky people/pets, or plain old fashioned love, post a comment, and I will do my best.

Good Luck England for Sunday, this one is a big one. I know you can do it. Heatherx

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Amazing Facts about the World Cup

I hope everyone enjoyed Saturday, X factor is such a great show isn't it? Oh yes the football.... The party was a big success. Everyone who was cheeky about me serving quiche, will be pleased to hear that I also served up sausages and beefburgers.

As I was offering friends a "Stella Artois". I was delightfully informed its known in the trade as, "wife beater". Not being a beer drinker myself, I found this strangely amusing. That got me thinking. I've been invited to go to Wimbledon in a few weeks. Should I ask the bar staff for "a glass of ram raider" or "a loitering with intent, please", will they know what I'm talking about? Do you?

So to stay with this World Cup vibe, here are some fascinating facts about football. Just throw them in to your everyday chit chat with your man. Having followed the game all his life, he will be staggered by your insider knowledge. In no time at all he will be telling all his friends down at the pub, how entertaining you are with your football trivia.

Red and Yellow Cards - In 1966, the year England won and hosted the world cup. All cards held up by the referee, had on them, a picture of Dennis the Menace, (yellow) and Norman Nasty Nose (Red). As a sort of nod to the famous British sense of humour. It worked though!

Half -Time - During all World Cup half times, the Queen always makes a quick phone call to the team. She speaks to them all, just for a couple of minutes. To wish them her very best Royal Good Luck.

Socks - Every player, including Peter Crouch and Ronaldinho, have to wear special prescription elasticated socks to prevent them from getting varicose veins.

Goalpost - The goal post used to be a semi-circle shape. But this was changed to the shape we know today, because the Goalkeeper found it uncomfortable to lean on.

Swearing - During France '98, officials introduced a swear box system to the players. But this was soon abolished, as nobody could understand all the swear words in different languages.

Good luck again tomorrow for England, I will be watching it with my friend, no party this time. More posts coming soon, including July H'scopes, Wimbledon outing and pictures. Keep your comments coming, they do make me smile. Heatherx

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Quiche Recipe and good luck England!

Now some of you have been very cheeky about me serving quiche for my football party, what's wrong with that? Have you tasted it? it's very delicious. However you may have a point. So with that in mind, I have adapted the recipe slightly....by adding sausages.

Sausage, Bacon and Egg Quiche

Packet of short crust pastry, you might not need all of it.
2/3 eggs
150g lean smoked bacon
2 Sausages (Thin ones)
Grated cheese, to taste
125g creme fraiche
salt pepper,
1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg
Flour for dusting pastry

Preheat oven to 220 C/430 F
Grease a 7 inch/ 18cm flan dish with butter.
Roll out pastry to about 3mm, and line flan dish.
Lightly brown bacon and sausages in a frying pan.
Beat together the eggs, creme fraiche, nutmeg, and S and P.
Spread the bacon on the pastry. Cut the sausages in half, lengthwise. Arrange in a cross shape over the bacon. Cover with grated cheese, depending on how much you like.
Pour over the egg mixture, making sure it doesn't spill over the top of the pastry case.
Bake for about 25 mins. Serve warm.

If anyone tries this, let me know how you get on.

Thanks to the person who sent me a photo of Kevin Gallen. I can see why he's your hero. Also the poem!! from a QPR fan, is that right? It took me a while to work out what you were talking about. Did you write that yourself? I liked it very much. You should put yourself forward to be a Poet Laureate for Football, is there such a thing? Someone said the QPR ground was in the most fashionable part of London, which is just fabulous. But where exactly, Richmond? Chelsea? Crouch End? I want to make sure I look my best.

So Rooney's foot is all better now.. well I did predict that, with my star charts and "Astro Heels"

Good Luck England
Bring home the Cup


Monday, June 05, 2006

Are you ready for the World Cup?

Thank you for more ideas about which football team I should support. It's very helpful in my search. I'll know when I find the right one, you just do don't you? The latest suggestions are..
  • Aston Villa - sounds good, may be a bit far for me to travel? Is there some sort of air-bus shuttle that could get me to games? I live just outside London.
  • Wolverhampton Wanderers - Distance problem again. Someone pointed out that black and gold were sooo 80's, I agree. Colours are important to me, but as a true football fan, I will be taking other things into consideration as well.
  • Leicester City - Blue and white, very nice. Is it a family friendly club? Would there be a creche available? and somewhere for me to exercise the dogs?
  • Southampton - Red and white, even better. Do they have good coffee/cappuccino making facilities, fresh croissants etc?
So only a few more days to go now, but are you really ready? Here's my checklist.
  • Have you decorated your house? Flags,bunting and banners are all eye catching. Giant inflatable footballs are good for tying to your chimney. Perhaps you could ask Coke Cola if they would like to attach one of their stadium size advertisement boards to the front of your house?
  • If you're not serving up traditional football grub like, canapes, quiche and tiramisu. What about a themed feast for our first game? Try recipes from "The Naked Cook! - Mrs Gomez's Pararguayan kitchen" by Mrs Gomez Senior. Your guests will be surprised and entertained by your creativity.
  • Have you got the correct heavy duty wall brackets and screws, for your 70 inch plasma screen and speaker system? Yes I know its a little excessive, and you might have to jiggle the furniture around a bit, even knock through to the dining room. But think of the value that sort of kit could add to your home!!
  • Have you stocked the cellar full of all your favourite non alcoholic beverages? Including tomato juice for any vegans. A good hostess is never short of enough refreshments to go round.
  • Have you downloaded any football anthems, ready for a good old sing song? No football party should be without such classics like "La La Eng er land" by the Cheeky Gits and "We're on the ball" by Ant and Dec.
  • Have you learnt how to explain the offside rule? There's always someone that needs it explaining to. So why not dazzle your friends and really study the whole concept of offside, and what it means in football. There is an excellent book, "Offside through the ages - Volumes 1 and 2" by Alan Beeswax. If you're really keen, you could sit a City and Guilds exam in the subject. That might not be possible before Friday though, you would have to speak to them.
  • Have you thought how to entertain your guests at half time? Here's a really fun idea! Have ready prepared lots of old newspaper, glue, brushes and gold paint etc. Then ask each guest to make their own paper maiche World Cup! Set the timer for 15 mins, and tell them there's to be no football until you have a World Cup in your hands. No cheating though, nobody likes a party pooper.
More posts coming soon. Heatherx